


your losing your head

by manghobi



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: A month after Pennywise, Angst, Bill just wants to help, Even if it hurts him, M/M, Post It, Song Inspired, Stanley Uris Has OCD - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Stenbrough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13163136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manghobi/pseuds/manghobi
Summary: Stan curled in on himself, clawing at his eyes as he shook uncontrollably, small whimpers escaping his lip. Bill hated this, he hated seeing Stan like this, even though it hadn’t happened for years.





	your losing your head

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to 'Sleep Thru ur Alarms' by Lontalius whilst reading otherwise this will seem really shit. Probably will anyway but whatever.

Bill didn’t know what to do. He just _didn’t know._

Stan had started shaking as soon as he had walked into Bills room, his lip quivering and his eyes darting over everything, trembling as if he were in pain.

“S-Stan?” Bills voice was gentle and Stan hated it, “Are y-y-you ok-kay?”

He sunk to his knees, pressing his forehead against the floor as he pulled agonisingly at his hair. A shriek muffled by a sob escaped Stans mouth and he was rocking back and forth, eyes squeezed shut, terrified.

Bill reacted immediately, dropping to the ground beside him and placing a hand in between his shoulder blades. “St-ta-n, its okay, i-its okay”

“Its not okay!” He screamed, whipping his head around to meet the taller boys gaze. Then he caught a glimpse of it again and he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

Stan curled in on himself, clawing at his eyes as he shook uncontrollably, small whimpers escaping his lip. Bill hated this, he hated seeing Stan like this, even though it hadn’t happened for years.

“S-Stan” Bill grabbed at the boys wrists, prying them off of his face as he sat up, legs crossed and struggling to compose himself.

Stans breathing was ragged and his chest was heaving and his eyes were squeezed shut, and his arms were trapped in Bills hands and he hadn’t seen it coming when a pair of soft, quiet lips pressed against his.

Stans eyes snapped open and he couldn’t see anything anymore. Only the pale eyelids and brown hair of Bill as he began to pull away. And the gesture was so tender, so caring and compassionate that Stan couldn’t handle it.

Sobs captivated his lungs and his body fell back against his will, only to be caught by his best friend. Bill flipped around in a single motion so that Stans head rested against his thighs and his arms wrapped around the shorter boys chest from behind.

Stan couldn’t stop the tears. Loud, ugly, broken sobs wracked his body and he clung desperately onto Bills arms, seeking comfort, contact.

“Its b-bad aga-again” Bill whispered, mostly to himself as he watched Stans eyes flicker to the dresser before squeezing shut for the third time. Stan just nodded, not bothering to wipe away the wet on his face.

People thought OCD was just being clean, picky, a neat freak. But they didn’t know _this_. They didn’t know how the disorder ruined Stans life. How it lead to anxiety, panic attacks, depression and even suicidal tendencies.

Stan hadn’t been this bad- or bad at all, really- since they were ten when for five weeks, he couldn’t leave the house because every little imperfection sent him into a spiralling tunnel that took him days to crawl out of.

Now it was back and Bill was furious. This was because of It. Everything that had happened to them was because of It. Richie and Mikes PTSD, Eddies Anxiety, Beverly’s anorexia, Bens depression, Bills hallucinations and now, Stans OCD. Pennywise had taken Georgie, now he wanted the rest of them.

“You didn’t tell m-me” Bill cringed, his stutter never helped when Stan was like this. Stan swallowed heavily as he twisted his face around to see his best friend. It wasn’t working so Stan adjusted himself to lay sideways across the brown eyed boys lap.

“I didn’t want things to go back to the way they used to be”

“What d-d-do you me-mean?” Bill asked quietly, his fingers absently brushing a strand of hair away from Stans forehead.

“The way you all used to look at me. The way Richie would constantly be measuring his socks, making sure they were even before he came into my room where I could see him. And the way Eddie would rearrange all of his pill bottles in alphabetical order with all of the tags facing outwards, just because he knew what it would do to me if they weren’t ” the Jewish boy hesitated a second, “And the way you would never speak around me because of your stutter, the way you would wake up early to clean your room if you knew I was coming over, the way you would never look me in the eye in the sun because one of your eyes has a tiny fleck of yellow in it and the other doesn’t”

Bill swallowed hard, feeling tears start to roll down his cheeks.

“You should go home” Bill said quietly, his stutter gone, “Its not good for you to be here” _where the clothes on my bed aren’t folded and the glass of my mirror is smudged and the books on my shelf are random, uncategorized and different sizes._

Stan nodded subconsciously, making no move to leave. “Can you kiss me again”

Bill was shocked by the request. By the way Stan had reacted, he didnt even think the curly-haired boy noticed when he’d done so earlier. “I- uh-“

“Forget it, I shouldn’t have asked”

Bill had leaned down and pressed his lips to the boys no more than a second later, it was soft and still. He wasn’t really sure how you were meant to kiss someone with imperfection issues.

But then Stan kissed him back and Bill reacted straight away. His eyes fluttering open a second before closing again as Stans lips moved against his.

It was over too soon. “You ne-e-ed to l-leave” Bill breathed heavily, pulling himself up from underneath the taller boy to stand near the window and stare out of it, tears forming in the corner of his eyes once again.

The only reason Stan was kissing him was because he need to calm down, to take his mind off of his surroundings, to focus on something else. Just like the doctor had said.

But Bill wanted Stan to kiss him because he _wanted_ to kiss him. Not because he needed to.

“I cant-“ Stan muttered, causing Bill to whip his head around and see Stan standing where he once sat with his eyes squeezed shut.

“R-R-Right” Bill nodded, walking over to take Stans hand in his own and guide him out of the room and out to the front door where Stan opened his eyes, struggling to keep them trained on the floor, which was symmetrical and clean.

“A-ar-re you right to get h-home by yourself?” Bill asked, biting his cheek hard to keep the tears at bay.

“Yeah, yeah, Ill be good” Stan replied unevenly, his voice cracking, “Bye”

Then Bill closed the door behind him and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst into tears, staggering to his room to slide down against the back of his now closed door. Stan was bad again and from the look of things, Bill was bound to get bad too.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, this is so short and ugh. Im tired and I havnt written angst in ages, leave me alone. Jk, please leave feedback!  
> Amd if you liked it, kudos. It really helps. Thanks for reading.


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